Pete Kalu's Blog

There was once a beautiful, pale Princess. She travelled far –for seven days and seven nights – to a handsome dark prince’s kingdom to meet him.  They fell in love and got married there and then.

Nine months later, the joyous  news was received that the Princess was going to give birth to their first child.

The baby was born while the Prince was away on his travels.  Very quickly, the nurses presented the child, wrapped in the finest royal cotton towel, to the Princess.   “Here,” they said, smiling, “take hold of your wonderful, half baby.”

The Princess took the baby in her arms, looked down and smiled at him.  Then she looked back up at the nurses, worried. “What do you mean, ‘half baby’ – is half of him missing?”

The nurses laughed fawningly. “No, Princess, we merely mean that your baby has half the colour of yourself, and half the colour of his father.  He is a brown baby, a half baby. Half this colour, and half that!”

“I see,” said the Princess, as she kissed the baby’s cheek, “so he has both his father’s and his mother’s colour.  Perhaps I shall call him the Both Baby.”

“”Indeed you may,” the first nurse said, “you can call your half baby Both Baby if you wish.”

One of the other nurses said, “And your half baby is half of our kingdom, and half of the distant kingdom of his mother.”

“Then surely,” the Princess said, “he is of both Kingdoms.”

“As you wish,” the nurses said, “now we must take the half baby to his half room.”

And the nurses whisked the baby away.

Meanwhile, the Prince had finished attending a big feast on the other side of his kingdom. Returning  on horseback to his kingdom, he  heard rejoicing in his land and wondered what had caused the celebration.  Then he saw a big sign hung up across the main path by  the village square.  ‘Rejoice, The Royal Half Baby Is Born!’

The Prince was happy and yet puzzled. Maybe the writer of the sign had been in a hurry and made a spelling mistake and the sign was meant to read,  ‘ Rejoice, The Royal House Baby Is Born.’  Wondering about how well the teachers of his land taught their pupils, the Prince spurred his horse forward and soon reached the royal  palace.

The prince and the princess held a feast to celebrate the birth of their baby.  They invited everyone to come and see the baby.  First to arrive was the cook.

‘Congratulations on the birth of your half baby.’

‘What are you talking about, half baby!’ said the prince, annoyed.

‘Er well er’ said the cook.

‘Err well erm what?’ said the princess

‘err well erm i don’t know.’ said the cook

‘err well err you will have to make me a cheese  and onion sandwich with no bread.

‘But that’s impossible. To make a sandwich you need both the insides and the bread outside.

That’s your problem, said the prince.  If we have ahalf baby, then we will have to have half sandwiches at our baby’s party .  Make the sandwich with only half the ingredients to celebrate our baby’s birth.  And is you don’t, you will be poisoned!

Next entered the musician.

‘Congratulations on the birth of your half baby. I will make a song for the half baby to help you celebrate.’

‘Half baby’ exclaimed the princess.  ‘What are you talking about?’  Half baby!

OK you will have to make a tune only using the black keys not the white keys

But i need both black and white keys to make a song

Tough, you will have to use half the keys.  Else you will be singing over a hot fire with all your toes.

Ouch said the musician, imagining this.

The farmer entered next.

‘Congratulations on the birth of your half baby. I will make bring a harvest to help you celebrate.’

Half baby!  What are you talking bout?  Bring me only the food you grew that used only sun or water.

But that’s impossible.  You need both sun and rain.

That’s your problem. And if you don’t bring me these half crops i will throw you in prison and you will only eat bread or water there, not both!

Then the juggler stepped in wearing a red hat, brown shoes and he did a quick somersault.

‘Congratulations on the birth of your half baby. I can’t believe that this is not a normal baby but a half baby. And I will juggle 12 balls in celebration.

What?  I can’t believe that you don’t believe that this is not a half baby! The prince fumed.

Oh, said the juggler. I do believe you don’t believe that i don’t believe that this is not a normal baby, but a  half baby.  However I believe that what you believe is mistaken.

What!  Don’t juggle my words!

The princess said shut up you two.

You will have to juggle those 12 balls with one hand!

But I need both hands to juggle!

Tough, you will have to use half your usual number of hands – a  half juggling act!  And if you can’t juggle 12 balls with one hand I will have you juggle 12 hot coals with both hands!  Out!

….to be continued!

This is our site where me and my  daughter will be selling things we have dug up or found this summer. Make us an offer!!!

first item is an sloan’s liniment boston  mass bottle and we think is a antique but it is kind of dirty it was found in Manchester  in ENGLAND!!!. You can buy it for $15 plus postage.

Please look at the picture !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ol bottle

Rusholme Steel Bench

There is something about this bench. A futuristic steel thing, dropped outside a sighing local pub and a hoarded off patch of derelict land, the hoarding lurching into the back of the sitter. Its one of the few places you can sit outside in Rusholme without smoking a shisha pipe. Early morning, there was an man there, nestled between the pub and the screaming dance posters, very early morning, just him there, and me walking towars him on my way to the bus stop. He was wearing a beige kameez, a brown Bhs coat and a standard issue bushy grey beard (that old men get from the standard issue old grey beard shop -I’ve placed my order!). He looked up at me, but his eyes were far away, I imagined sunrise in the hills of the Punjab but perhaps he was running around the streets of Barcelona in his mind.