Pete Kalu's Blog

There was once a beautiful, pale Princess. She traveled far –for seven days and seven nights – to a handsome dark prince’s kingdom to meet him.  They fell in love and got married there and then.

Nine months later, the joyous  news was received that the Princess was going to give birth to their first child.

The baby was born while the Prince was away on his travels.  Very quickly, the nurses presented the child, wrapped in the finest royal cotton towel, to the Princess.   “Here,” they said, smiling, “take hold of your wonderful, half baby.”

The Princess took the baby in her arms, looked down and smiled at him.  Then she looked back up at the nurses, worried. “What do you mean, ‘half baby’ – is half of him missing?”

The nurses laughed fawningly. “No, Princess, we merely mean that your baby has half the colour of yourself, and half the colour of his father.  He is a brown baby, a half baby. Half this colour, and half that!”

“I see,” said the Princess, as she kissed the baby’s cheek, “so he has both his father’s and his mother’s colour.  Perhaps I shall call him the Both Baby.”

“Indeed you may,” the first nurse said, “you can call your half baby Both Baby if you wish.”

One of the other nurses said, “And your half baby is half of our kingdom, and half of the distant kingdom of his mother.”

“Then surely,” the Princess said, “he is of both Kingdoms.”

“As you wish,” the nurses said, “now we must take the half baby to his half room.”

And the nurses whisked the baby away.

Meanwhile, the Prince had finished attending a big feast on the other side of his kingdom. Returning  on horseback to his kingdom, he  heard rejoicing in his land and wondered what had caused the celebration.  Then he saw a big sign hung up across the main path by  the village square.  ‘Rejoice, The Royal Half Baby Is Born!’

The Prince was happy and yet puzzled. Maybe the writer of the sign had been in a hurry and made a spelling mistake and the sign was meant to read,  ‘ Rejoice, The Royal House Baby Is Born.’  Wondering about how well the teachers of his land taught their pupils, the Prince spurred his horse forward and soon reached the royal  palace.

The prince and the princess held a feast to celebrate the birth of their baby.  They invited everyone to come and see the baby.  First to arrive was the cook.

“Congratulations on the birth of your half baby!”

“What are you talking about, half baby!” said the prince, annoyed.

“Er well er,” said the cook.

“Err well erm what?” said the princess.

“Err, well, erm, i don’t know,” said the cook.

“Err well, err, you will have to make me a cheese  and onion sandwich with no bread.”

“But that’s impossible,” said the cook. “To make a sandwich you need both the filling and the bread outside.”

“That’s your problem,” said the prince.  “If we have a half baby, then we will have to have half sandwiches at our baby’s party .  Make the sandwich with only half the ingredients to celebrate our baby’s birth.  And is you don’t, you will be poisoned!”

Next entered the musician.

“Congratulations on the birth of your half baby. I will make a song for the half baby to help you celebrate.”

“Half baby?” exclaimed the princess.  “What are you talking about? Half baby!”

“I was merely noting..” began the muscian.

The princess stopped him. “Note this. You will have to make a tune only using the black keys,  not any of the white keys.”

“But I need both black and white keys to make a song,” protested the muscian.

“Tough, you will have to use half the keys.  Else you will be singing over a hot fire with all your toes!”

“Ouch!” said the musician, imagining this.

The farmer entered next.

“Congratulations on the birth of your half baby. I will make bring a harvest to help you celebrate.”

“Half baby!  What are you talking bout?  Bring me only the food you grew that used only sun or water,” declared the prince.

“But that’s impossible,” said the farmer.  “You need both sun and rain to grow anything.”

“That’s your problem,” replied the prince. “And if you don’t bring me these half crops I will throw you in prison and you will only eat bread or water there, not both!”

Then the juggler stepped in wearing a red hat, brown shoes and he did a quick somersault.

“Congratulations on the birth of your half baby. I can’t believe that this is not a normal baby but a half baby. And I will juggle 12 balls in celebration.”

“What?  I can’t believe that you don’t believe that this is not a half baby!” the prince fumed.

“Oh,” said the juggler. “I do believe you don’t believe that I don’t believe that this is not a normal baby, but a  half baby.  However I believe that what you believe is mistaken,” said the juggler.

“What?  Don’t juggle my words!” cried the prince.

The princess said, “Shut up you two, you’re giving me a headache.  Mr Juggler, you will have to juggle those 12 balls with one hand!”

“But I need both hands to juggle!” said the juggler.

“Tough,” replied the princess. “You will have to use half your usual number of hands – a  half juggling act!  And if you can’t juggle 12 balls with one hand I will have you juggle 12 hot coals with both hands!  Off you go and practice!”

———————————–PART TWO  ————————————————-

The day of the birthday celebration arrived.  The Prince and Princess sat on big chairs in the royal chamber, with the baby in a cot between them.

The juggler arrived.

“Go ahead and juggle 12 balls with one hand,” said the Prince.

“No problem,” said the juggler. He clapped his hands. “Let me introduce you to…… my twin sister!”

The juggler’s twin sister appeared, dressed in the same colourful outfit as himself.

“Here we go!”  said the juggler.   The twins began to juggle the balls between themselves. . Each twin used only one hand, but together they juggled the twelve balls.

The baby said ‘OOoooh!’

The jugglers stopped, worried. “Does the baby not like our juggling?” they enquired.

The Princess said, “Don’t worry, the baby has just got hiccups.  That was a very good juggling show. I thank both of you. Both of you made a great show for our Both Baby. Hurrah!”

The jugglers did somersaults off the stage, happy that the Princess’s threat to make them juggle hot coals was not going to happen.

Next came the cook.

“So where is our half sandwich?” said the Prince.

“Ah,” said the cook, “I’ve been thinking.  Rather than create a half sandwich I thought what better way to celebrate the birth of your Both Baby than to create a new kind of extra large sandwich?”

“Oh really?”  said the Prince excitedly. He liked to eat lots and he had a big belly to prove it.  “And what’s this extra large sandwich called?”

“It is called a Yum-Yum Both sandwich,” said the cook.

“What’s so special about this Yum-Yum Both sandwich?” asked the Princess.

“Your Highnesses, this sandwich is so big two people can eat it at the same time, one from each end.  Have a go!”

With great fanfare, three junior cooks carried in a Yum-Yum Both sandwich.

The Prince and the Princess tried it.

“Yum,” said the Princess, smacking her lips.

“Yum,” said the Prince, after a little burp.

“Exactly,” said the cook, “and that’s why it’s called the Yum-Yum Both sandwich!”

When the Prince and Princess had finished eating the Prince asked, “Where’s the musician and his tune made only from white keys or black keys – his half tune?”

A royal servant came in, with a musician by his side.  However, the musician was not the piano musician.   “Your Highnesses,” said the royal servant, “the piano musician is very ill.  However he has sent a musician friend of his, who has invented a new instrument.”

“Oh dear,” said the Princess. She really liked listening to piano music and was disappointed that the piano musician was not able to attend.  “Never  mind.  What is this new instrument called and what does it sound like?”

“May it please your Highness,” said the new musician, “It is a little like a trombone crossed with a violin. It makes a sound so deep we are calling it the double deep.”

“Chop chop. Let’s hear it then,” said the Prince, who had just managed to finish off a second Yum Yum Both sandwich. He was still feeling peckish. He ordered the cook to make him a third one.

Drummers made a big drum-roll, trumpets made a loud fanfare.   Then a large instrument was wheeled on. It looked like a giant violin.

“Where’s the trombone bit?”  whispered the Princess to the Prince.

“I don’t know,” said the Prince. “Never mind, let them play it, we’ll judge it by how it sounds.”

The musician played the instrument. It sounded exceedingly beautiful, and exceedingly low.

“The notes it plays are certainly very deep,” said the Princess.  “It is double deep.  It shakes the bones in my feet and plucks the strings right at the base of my heart.”

“And it wobbles the base of my heart too,” said the Prince. “So let us call it the double bass then rather than the double deep. Do you like that idea?” the Prince asked the musician.

“A lovely idea,” said the musician, “Does this mean no musicians’ toes will get roasted today?”

“Correct,” said the Prince, smiling.  “Please play your lovely double bass at the party.”

“With pleasure,” said the musician.

Finally the farmer walked in.

“There you are!” said the Princess, “We thought you were hiding from us! Now where is this crop grown with only sun or only rain?”

“Ah,” said the farmer, “I am still working on that. However, I have a very special crop for you.  I collected the finest, purest rain from the highest mountain, and used it to water a plant that grows only in the hottest of hot places.  And here is the crop.  It is called orange.”

“Orange?” said the Princess. “That is a colour, not a crop.”

“Yes, but the crop is the colour too. The orange  is orange.”

“Have you been talking to the juggler?” said the Prince, suspiciously.

“Not at all, not at all,” said the farmer quickly.

“Let us see this orange, then taste it,” said the Prince.

The farmer handed them an orange each.

“Very nice,” said the Princess.

“Exceptionally nice,” said the Prince.  “So this orange fruit is to be called an orange?”

“Yes, that is the idea,” said the farmer.

“So,” sais the Prince pointing, “is that long yellow fruit next to the orange  called a yellow?”

“Er, no,” said the farmer, “that yellow fruit is called a banana.”

“But it’s yellow,” said the Prince. “And if an orange is called an orange because it’s orange, then that one should be called a yellow because it is yellow!”

“Um, well, yes, that does makes sense,” said the farmer carefully. “Let us call it a yellow then. Does that mean my feet are not going to be roasted over a hot fire?”

“Correct.  Now please bring your oranges and your yellows to the party,” said the Princess.

Suddenly the baby started crying. The Princess picked him up. All the nurses rushed in.

“Which of you will look after him?” asked the Princess, kissing the baby.

“Allow me to look after your half-baby,” said one of the nurses. “I shall care for him very well for half of the time.”

The Prince and  Priness looked worried.  “But what would happen the other half of the time?” they asked.

Another nurse stepped forward.  “Please allow me to look after your baby,” she said.  “Your Both Baby is doubly precious.  I shall make sure he is doubly safe.   You will both be able to relax and enjoy the party knowing the Both baby is safe in both of my arms.”

“You will look after him for the whole of the time?” quizzed the Princess.

“Yes, of course,” replied the second nurse.

“Brilliant,” said the Princess and she handed the Both Baby to the second nurse.

And so it came to pass that a great party was held in the kingdom in celebration of the birth of the Both Baby.  There was music like never before.  There was a lavish banquet of the most exotic of foods, including oranges and yellows (as the people of the kingdom called their bananas!). There was  an amazing juggling show provided by the twin jugglers. And everyone tucked into the most scrumptious YumYum Both sandwiches.   The End

This is our site where me and my  daughter will be selling things we have dug up or found this summer. Make us an offer!!!

first item is an sloan’s liniment boston  mass bottle and we think is a antique but it is kind of dirty it was found in Manchester  in ENGLAND!!!. You can buy it for $15 plus postage.

Please look at the picture !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ol bottle

Rusholme Steel Bench

There is something about this bench. A futuristic steel thing, dropped outside a sighing local pub and a hoarded off patch of derelict land, the hoarding lurching into the back of the sitter. Its one of the few places you can sit outside in Rusholme without smoking a shisha pipe. Early morning, there was an man there, nestled between the pub and the screaming dance posters, very early morning, just him there, and me walking towars him on my way to the bus stop. He was wearing a beige kameez, a brown Bhs coat and a standard issue bushy grey beard (that old men get from the standard issue old grey beard shop -I’ve placed my order!). He looked up at me, but his eyes were far away, I imagined sunrise in the hills of the Punjab but perhaps he was running around the streets of Barcelona in his mind.